Pac and Ms Man

Under what circumstances would Pacman refuse to consume a Ghost? A Ghost that was hysterical with grief? A partially paralysed Ghost? A Ghost who was fast asleep? You would be surprised at the etiquette of Pacman. There are grey areas, like a merely mildly upset Ghost or a limping Ghost. Our beloved yellow arcade legend thinks twice. Imagine the ensuing conversation with his missus, Ms Pacman. I bet that when he does not bag a Ghost on ethical grounds she glares sternly at him, and tells him that he’s slipping and his Game is weak. Then she says that if it wasn’t for the pills she would be gone. Then to finish him off she tells him that she was just playing him for the fruit. A dog barks somewhere in Connetticut. Barks again, louder this time. “Wake up…Wake Up, Pacman! You were having a bad dream” Our Hero rises abruptly in a cold sweat and tells her that everything is wrong. “You’re getting ‘noid, P-Man. Now Pacman bursts into tears and tells her that he is weeping with frustration. She understands. Only one thing is going to happen here but I will not further defame this yellow Ghost Magnet. Only one thing is going to happen, though. Especially if he mentions his love for critically endangered animals. R 


Andromeda Is So Hard

I watched Pretty Woman last night. I identified with both main characters, the Julia Roberts one because she tries to fit in so earnestly but ends up looking so clumsy, and with Gere’s since he’s so patronising. I was writing lyrics simultaneously, partly about why I felt such empathy with a hooker anyway. Then she fell in love with him and kissed him on the lips, and i’m like ‘Yeah, That would be something’ and felt morose.  Thought I could do something worthwhile so I went to the bathroom to shift some dirt.  When I came back she is about to leave his life and the Manager says to him “It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.”  This echoed my thoughts in the bathroom only moments before. To sum up, as I begin to sound like Sam from The Midnight Caller, I think if it’s every woman’s dream to be a high class call girl, then it’s every man’s dream to receive a round of applause and a large wedge of cash after sleeping with her. Nice!    R x

Welcome to Little Andromeda… a Trillion Suns can’t be wrong! But they can be a both challenging and expensive tattoo.

Hi!  Man…a semi-choke is on the cards here. I think its a semi-choke, it definitely feels like it.  All the hallmarks.  Well, it’s my first blog, it’s nearly six in the morning, I need a cigarette, but really it would be quite rude to smoke in a hospital cubicle. Dangerous, too, given all the oxygen cylinders. Given enough time there would be no choice but to smoke, fuck the cylinders. And any explosion. And definitely fuck rhabdomyolysis, arthiritis, stockings I have to wear to avoid blood clots, lupus, pneumonia, chronic constipation, substantial nerve damage, and being forced, massively unfairly I feel, to withdraw from morphine. Prescribed medicine, of course 😉  It was funny, man, the ward had a years supply of liquid morphine phosphate, and I went through it in three weeks. I miss it to be honest. Let’s be fair though, everyone likes morphine, and I don’t want to feel like Captain Drugs. That would be an interesting superhero. It’s blatant I guess, the name really gives him away. He would be incredibly popular at superhero parties though, if our legendary superheroes party at all. He would always be hassled but what does he/she expect, given the name? I guess Captain Sober is a less appealing moniker, like Captain Teetotal or Captain Just Say No, even. Our…yeah I think i’m done. but which superheroes party?

Are you allowed to say ‘fuck’ in a blog? Hey, man, my money’s as good as anyones. R x