Hi! All kinds of input into my sweet li’l mind right now. Fleet of our Avian friends outside in the beautiful garden talking, telling dirty jokes, making up songs, telling tales of love 💓 and having a bit of a whistle. Happily I communicate with the insects 🐜, they say hi and say Forever Love is the best kind of love of course…in a way. Then a solitary spider was rude to a potential dolphin 🐬 and her merfolk details, wished away on a salty sea breeze.
But only the soft drink variety. Soz! But my habit is large enough to attract attention, so I was taken to account this afternoon and u would have thought it was the real thing sometimes, but there was a sense of coolness throughout my collar being felt. I need it to keep going, it’s a mood stabiliser, kinda, whatever, I like coke. I like the sugar rush and caffeine buzz 🐝 but I don’t know why I was made to feel like the worlds only coke addict. Man, I can feel my teeth dissolving. If you ever see me in a bad mood, maybe offer a coke then everything will be ok, just for a while.
I am up all night two out of three nights now, then I crash and wake up at a healthy 5PM. I’m recording again, not being able to express myself thru painting at the moment. I tried Water Colours, man, it was like Jimi Hendrix attempting to play the Sitar, as legend has it. What happened? He was rubbish. Yup.
Man, it feels like a man has to justify his life in modernity. Justify his existence, so what if nobody understands quite why we’re here, or what happens before or after our pitiful ish human ing time. We’re lucky if we are given one chance to make it, one chance to make it big, and, well man, we’d better be on it, we’ve only got one chance for fame. Or so we think. The noted professor Hetfield, J. claims Advantages are Taken, not handed out. Well shucks. Maybe if you live your life always looking for opportunities, you’d be so stressed, u wouldn’t enjoy anything and u couldn’t relax.
I, for one, have seen a litany of chances, opportunities, and suchlike pass me by, but the ones that are foremost in my troubled, addled, occipitally challenged little giant mind are the ones in which I failed to Score, either with Girls or sometimes in football. Scoring? It’s true, I’m rarely so…coarse. The item? Is held in modern life too, women are weird because if a man doesn’t take every chance to sex up a lady he must be Gay, some think. No matter what.
Fuck. I’m fucking lost here. Just sitting here…it’s like a comedown. Watching shit tv , though the tv would surely be safe from any violent advances if things got that far. I’m going nowhere. I’ve got a home I can’t go to, I have ballerinas ankles and I’m sitting around getting old. Also I’m wearing a wife beater, but that is of little import.
My next move could be up Pompey way. By The Way. Near the sea, loads of like minded people, who knows, anyway gotta go.
oh, I injected heroin in a dream.
later, y’all, R
Howdy. So I’m in a zone where I can at last express my feelings towards my numerous issues. Yeah, I’m around people who have their own issues which conflict with mine sometimes, but I tread a righteous path and the shine people have when they come in, the glow…if it’s caused by drugs then after a few days they slow down, then come down in an environment which seems ideal to come down in. Yep, they ‘still on e, spreading disease, get quarantined, free tea, would you believe.
Friends here come and go, like basic mankind, there have been really all colours of the rainbow 🌈 some people are users and abusers, just….real shit. That’s how I get down. Some people are fucking snakes and like have an internal radar for the vulnerable, some latch on, detecting kindness which they exploit until forcefully separated. Some real shit. Pokemon, poems and pictures help me pass the time, without forgetting the beautiful game of Football Manager, amazon and Netflix.
Its hard to get much Peace here, man. So much happening, nurse action that I stay up at night, writing or playing footyman, sleeping into the PM. I got an amp that punishes all they’ shitty speakers which seem to provide shit music, too.
I gotta go try get something 2 eat, but I’m gonna stick with this. More soon. R
Yes it’s true, your man is in hospital. But safe and calm, yeah, that type of hospital Yh! It’s oh so familiar the whole thing. From the staff to the burger meals.i like familiar things btw, maybe it’s part of my autism.
i have given up smoking. The stress by the end was so intense… like if you smoke it she will get cancer….man….how do u cope when you’ve been smoking for 25 years? So I smoked it, but the next one I didn’t smoke, the one where she would have gone to hell forever. Yeah, thanks. So when the ambulance arrived I forgot to take my tobacco. When I got to hospital I wasn’t too surprised to find out that they didn’t have or sell cigs, and anyhow they wouldn’t let me outside back then. Perhaps because I’m so very very dangerous. When my mum point blank refused to get me snout I realised I had not smoked in three days or more and didn’t really need to. That occurred a week ago and I’m still snoutless. No drink either, just lots of cups of tea.
ive produced a little art since arriving, most of it is neat. Some new writing too.
i feel like I’ve been given a second chance here, man I nearly bled to death 💀 on my living room floor. If it was indeed a cry for help, sobeit, thanks to the nhs I’m alive and recovering. Sadly I severed a few tendons and they can’t say if I’ll play my ol six string again.
entering hospital I was reminded of a book by Andrew Solomon, the noonday demon, where he describes entering the ward for the first time and feeling mad empathy for everyone and everything there. I got it when I stepped foot in the tv lounge, though this is far from my first admission to hospital. Walked in…thought…alright! Since then I made a couple of friends. I guess the point is that it was the second time in my life I felt as if I belonged on the ward, like it was home. What is this…rebirth? Time transaction? Dimensional loops? Or could it be a state of mind, seeing that this is partly a case of deja vu.
things I miss from home? Cable tv, my beautiful cat 🐈 but that is basically it. When a man leaves a haunted and blasphemated home they rarely miss it. Really I never want to go back there. Yh, state of mind or environment?both. And more.
last thing, I recently published a book. By Ostravious , it is called How To Blag A Safe Forever. It’s worth reading.
gotta go, lorazepam calls.
peace to you, me, and the Gods
Yeah this one called two-three-eight, it’s nothing special…number (let’s get this)
This is my own code that’s why
This stuff is telepathy
Rerecord some old shit I think because I got better at my vocal style, man, I swear
That’s a hundred bars I swear to God
Shit is lethal, I swear that’s a hun’ed, man
Yeah thats pretty good
Lets check this out
Man, am I going to have to do this again?
Make sure your vocals is right, m’nugget
Man how am I gonna do this again?
Turn the treb up
Maybe this stuff’s too high, man…
Make sure the vocals dominate
And check it out, check it out, yeah yeah
How’s that, man?
Feeling the mic at last, man
Hey, thanks, man
Gonna have to do this, man
I don’t wanna do this, man
Shit, come on, man
but battling as a way of avoiding legals
shit is lethal
chess with C starts unintended usually
anything but boards
why do you cry to Charlotte?
Nah…finishing off the album, yo
I did it over two night’s, y’know
“These are cra…” there ya go
So I left you with
“These are crazy crazy crazy (k)nights
Like they’re sort of on the pipe or something
Not saying KISS is on the pipe, like that dude out of Aerosmith
Steve Tyler, and gone to a black man’s regime
I’ll never get truly respected on the microphone
because of my pigment of my…whatever, man
Is this any good, man?
The voices say I don’t get voices
The voices say don’t tell them you have voices
surround sound like really nice environ’
but captain actually only middling rank
Liverpool or Saints, England emperor fuckin’ Boltons non-brigand BrigAdier, and
knaves, theses are krazy krazy krazy knights
spray painted plate armour auras of chivalry but it’s so unwanted in the modern age
sir galahad is writing about female chivalry he got dumped for holding a door open for her
messed up on the damsel in distress
whats that compared to a honey trap
basic socially learned instinct to honour the chosen female
compared with smoking hersch and running through fellow sirs like lyrics on last laugh
that, Sir, is mutiny
well mutiny it is
on an aero or wispa let alone a bounty
it’s a well known alien sketch
nah i’m pretty serious
but are humans in star trek extra terrestrial?
They only here ‘cos im like on some vulcan ship shit
look up in the sky
BIG lookin lips
flying sauciers and head shop chefs
high but on brain impeders a known impediment to thinking
got me thinking
and you recording again
see, seeing thru my eyes on the ======= is in my eyes a vicarious existence
if u got earth consciousness and people fucking with you means u in deep shit
so make the world a better place
is it the people or the planet making you so miserable?
Terra committed suicide potentially
im not suicidal but i’m committed
from or to an attack to or on the 1983 ammended mental health act
this makes perfect sense
if you want to feel stuff
make me think about you
first adolescence is weird enough
as or to the and but ever even chivalry when it’s then again what but?
As a typical sentence construct
soldering iron in someone elses butt
schinshe the schcottish schitt
Rog’s robotic or retarded, im hungry enough to feel you I need emotion chips
you’re ill because you’re black
im back in white painted rooms soon str8jacketed trying to prove i’m not
leave on section seventeen left unspen’
leave the sex shit alone get misheard man ghost suddenly makes a lot more sense what
Herbie Hancock freestyle
Punching heads but not of others
Got brain damage and acid causing rain damage
I cry all the time
Several hundreds of times
Seventy Two Thousand Bars but still mentally tough enough to rhyme
The spider is tougher than the rest
You say my worst is better than your best
Only if I really want to make you feel bad
Even worse, hash, rad
Put that in your pipe and smoke it
But fuck this lyrical Snookery
Up there’s a load of Dalek plural up in the sky
Leela still feels me when I close my eyes
Maybe help get a larger monacle for Christmas or maybe Fry
For times we shed rhymes like dimes
My rhymes seem excellent at times
But they say these things like Time-Stealers they’re taking time
Leave you with lines
Forehead full of rhymes you could split but that would be a crime
Rhythm rhymes with Dime’s
Dime dies but his Dean still cries
This is 1985
This is the chorus
Listening to my shit is the only way to make you rawkus
This is the chorus
One time for
This is for the chorus
Brother never lies
You can put the Herbie Hancock shit in on my vocal
Don’t make me take you all into Rhyme Hell again
cos I got titles like in the Yellow Pages
extra terrestrial directories say theyre coming to Earth
And where is it, Roggy?
Blame me in 2015
The white is a minority
And we need to learn how to bow to our Master Queen, Snooks
Outside being criticised to those right in front of me
I wrote all this shit in the Mental Penitentiary
Gotta be good for something, though
Miss Lizzy a bit
This is the same as horsebox only horsebox is back in control
Bet u never heard this over Herbie Hancock
Let me get another file man, seeing as i’m doing this
Chill, man, just chill
Everyone saying how boring It is
Yeah lets check this out man
I dont even wanna do it
nah, not this
yeah lets try this one, man
motherfucker, thats a Hundred Bars
must have had a smoke or something
what beat man?
Over the hundred bars beat
nah, ill never make it, man
man im never gonna do this, man
pull the fuckin lead out, man, let alone whatever, man
jusy… I dont wanna do this and then say…like whatever, man
put it on, man
we all sort of digital, digital sorta song
this is about to be a Hundred Bars
I dont care what it sounds like, man
turn the treble down a little, man
so just spit the motherfucker and just like whatever, man
I dont feel like doing this
im sniffing more than hasish
im just gonna go over the duh-duh-duh stuff
y;know its like uh…
only its not…
Ill be alright, man
ill probably quit this shit and then get on some other rhyme
Crowd ready and waiting, sir
“Could you make ya’ neurotransmintters hurry up and click?
to reach the decision I already decided on
it’s not about the money, cars, bitches
I don’t need em son I ain’t even got none
but I got certificates to prove i’m not mad
whether this is getting iller
while you’re trying to prove you have the equivalent of Schizophrenia on the Mic
all you prove is that
its not about the love either
I don’t need a crowd an audience to witness
‘just as well’ I hear you say
and I am just as well
26th September you rely on it
just as well as fair in my near infinite wisdom
i’ll say I forgive you man, I probably won’t
to clear it up i’m the one you pray to when you ask for forgiveness
can you forgive this?
In his near-Herculean displays of semi or more than fairness
Minor Deity Shit
I forgive God and get sent for my sins to heaven
not joking where i’m from is like a Hendrix cover
South Saturn Delta, actually i’m from the East, then,
not purple haze more like bluey-green
I see my home planet in dreams
modern concepts that in a competition you’d be willing to wait a couple of minutes for me to remember
your Utopia more like Conetticut
if I give you fifty percent shares in our conversation I lose several billion
why you complainin’?
Aliens hit me off with things you cannot fathom
they write the whole album and tell me to write one
about Neil Armstrong…
he was getting tortured by The Moon
if he was European he would barely have made fuckin’ U.S. News
possessed the spirit of a tiger in Germany
offed one you blame a feline hungry and in captivity
came round to mine for a few hours we watched ESPN
put his legacy on the Presidents team and to my surprise they won
yeah I know but there’s a semi Siberian Cat-Being missing his Son
word gets back to his home planet that’s the case, son
as I dress in leather and get done for self effacement
skin of a cow legacy an chased Jesus off the Cat’ Ground
He didn’t bring any Cider to the Cipher and he got partially eaten by a Mechanical Spider
Spinning Multidimensional Webs attracting ya Time Flies, boy
it don’t when you’re in near solitary for thousands of Centuries
guarded by thousands of sentries
get Sky and get threatened during Prime Time
don’t get at me man, I know this shit don’t rhyme
just ‘cos someone gets robbed by a horse after Half-time equine alcoholic only wanted cheese and wine
Military Personnel getting anxious about Caffeine Levels sayin stuff about dying
Fuck It, i’m callin’ it Freestyle Shit, pop ur shit at a similar level same time without dryin’
battle shit spent I wonder where my anger went
Maybe i’m In Love or something…
I need to be around Women if only for the Discharge and ‘heaven scent’ Yeast Infections
Cobain dies at Twenty-Seven and asks me ‘What’s the difference?’
my voices are telling me to write about chemical influence
the voices are saying i’m so ill my voices tell me I don’t get voices
choices and vices
chances you end up handcuffed to handcuffs handcuffed to something obvious are obvious
just like you I had my chances
the Presidents Wife thinks Sick Spirits come to Earth to be Born, on a side note
traditional truant with a persistent sick note
as I lie in bed til whenever fuckin’ I want
I wonder where it, (the instinct) went
as always I blame the Institution to a certain extent
Life’s an Institution as much as the works of Heidegger or Kant
spirits dig Earth but when they Die they can’t leave it
until I absorb significant amounts of negativity
someone lucky gets the other side of it, I think she’s called Nelly Furtado, Man (!)
positive thoughts get to escape and rejoin the rest of the galaxy
tough time for Homeboy, but the stars are different, ask Brian May
depressives are healers for their soul twin
i’m going negatively off point but I can’t emotionally reciprocate, then again
the Human Voice is so Foreign it causes pain
we’re all Aliens to Aliens but Earth’s not shared, not theirs, its ours
that’s what we think about the Internal Intricacies of the nearest Coloniseable Cluster, Anyhow
So Peace to Tau Ceti, Thank God, Yo, I’m Out.”
Tell myself that I’m not alone
Why would I listen though
When I’ve got me to listen to
And not you, not anyone
Must be what I wanted
Well I got it
well I kinda did
the end of the sofa damages morale
shit is significant
shit is schizophrenic
so it’s significantly schizophrenic, certainly
but I don’t hear anyone else laughing
cry out, crysis, far cry
cant play red dead redemption 2, why?
rdrr like that
funny? I nearly laughed
fish are laughed
i don’t hear them laughing, but I see them laughing at me, at every mistake vs infinity and /or a perfect reflection of a relative reality where perfection is relative, relatively speaking. Then they say they deal only in absolutes. Well, absolutely.
then the voices start. Asking if I need help writing poetry, do I need help to watch tv. All I can thinksay, thoughtdeed, is to ‘’’think’’’, to ‘’’say’’’ is my shit could be better. Do they want me to stop? Some Government feel threatened? Like I’m not allowed to write any more. Thought police? I need thought Good Samaritans, to give me hope in my hour of need. It’s funny, in Ackright by Dr Dre it goes ‘good Samaritan save that hoe from getting smacked up’ . Oh, please, then? Some people hate Good Samaritans. They can’t ever be really cool.
for the last eleven weeks there is no record of The History of Earth. Anywhere. Nowhere in the Whole Universe. Is this because of me? Most things are. Except, this one could actually be me, distorting time lines, influencing the axis of Earth, forever altering the previously smooth passage of our Sphere through space and time.
- my cat, Kipper, is giving me a dirty look, I reckon for picking up a pen she so enthusiastically pushed to the floor. She may as well be from whatever Agency is messing with me today. Yesterday it was the Spanish. I went to Barcelona once, so they, from Madrid, have a head start in disliking me. They already have an excuse, even a reason to do it. And indeed they did fuck me up. I get visited by intelligence from all over this world and other, new worlds, too. At least I think I do, and one should always give a schizophrenic the benefit of the doubt, unless he or she or it is one of the rare lying schizophrenics. You know what they all ‘’’say’’’ to me, the intelligence agencies? Prove it. Prove what? Prove we’re giving you voices. Prove to who? Your local MP…the police…MI5. They all say it. I mean it’s likely to be MI5 or a subsidiary of. It’s the same old argument, and the same thought processes in my troubled mind. Prove I get voices? If I could prove it…is it even proveable in the first place? Doctors I talk to believe me mostly, but sadly hold the opinion that it’s not real. Rog you are not getting tortured by governments all around the world. Aliens then? Or Aliens. If I could prove I was getting psychologically abused by distant Galaxies to my Doctor, what can she do? The satisfaction, though, would be palpable. She actually agrees with me? I’m right for the first time here. But what happens to the responsibility? Would she have a duty to try and stop Andromeda-Hating Quadrants fucking with my head cos of my relationship with our Galactic neighbour? It’s not real. Oh, right. That’s nice to know. Perhaps a small discussion between us over the nature of reality someday. But why leave it until tomorrow…let’s have lunch together. You’re married? Well then, congratulations doctor. But I didn’t ask u if you were married….yeah I know this bit is too long… but it’s tradition, is it not, for doctors to sometimes socialise with the people. Oh, and I’m not paying cos u earn over ten times as much as me. Yeah I agree that it’s all relative, when Messi gets a cool Million notes a week. He probably complains that the Barcelona President, God bless him, has far more paper even than him.
but I digress. For example, a government hires a worker whose mother was raped. The government tells him that you are a rapist, feeds him with amphetemine and whatever mind-hacking equipment that they use…he’s been primed, and you can’t get away from the traumatised youth. I hear the pay is excellent, too. Voices…I knew one girl, and she claimed that she was getting paid 150 notes per minute. Per minute! Specialist…I think people sit in meetings and discuss what voices they are going to give to me and my schizophrenic brethren the next day. What will the theme be? It’s a waste of taxpayers money, man. Yeah, from my experience….yeah I know, Ill man claims government gives him voices. Well they do. They would, too. The first thing intelligence agencies want is access to the brains of the populace, to know what people are thinking etc oh the Thought Police you say?! Hippy!
Seeya, Rog x
I’m scared of going to Hell. Scared of the CIA, FBI and MI5. Scared of Jesus, Satan, and the Prophet Mohammed. Scared of Wasps. Scared of God, Tau, and other Deities. Scared of making decisions and scared of responsibility. Becoming homeless, I’m scared of that, cos I can’t survive on the street. Scared of my crippling voices, confrontation, Andromeda, Aliens, losing my keys and being locked out, scared of crowds, the human voice, rejection, being forced to betray, scared of loved ones dying, scared of the shadow of my stupid nose, being tested, exams where I studied the wrong questions and just sit there staring at my blank paper, scared of pain, death, and scared of life, even. Also performing in public, scared that her partner finds out, scared stiff of work, judgement day, leaving my friends high and dry, permanence, lack of permanence, scared of eating a bacon roll in front of an advanced, sentient pig, not really knowing who I am, scared of love, wedding speeches, fainting, scared of never knowing where my home is or going back there, facing the consequences of my actions when there is no time to process information or get a second opinion, scared of being raped by a lesbian, scared of leaving my home city, my own thoughts being used against me, dying alone, Klopp leaving, scared of being boring, scared of Sunday’s, scared of forever, eternity and infinity, inadvertently causing all out intergalactic war, scared of having an extremely powerful psychic bond with someone and being forced to deny it or leave them permanently, and scared of inadvertently having sexual relations with a horse or goat.
This is a lot of stuff to be afraid of. I know. As for why I’m frightened of these things, I couldn’t really say. Well, my fear of wasps is easy, one got into my t shirt when I was a kid in primary school and stung me a dozen times. It developed into a phobia. If I see one, I freak out. Scared of fainting, sure. Fainting is common for me, and the feeling I get right before actually passing out is soooooooo bad. When it’s inevitable and the next thing you know you’re on the floor, soon to be offered water to drink.
You know what else I’m scared of? I’m scared of you.