Cable companies, man. They called me up saying they could save me some money on my i7. I wasn’t really interested but I asked if a new phone was available. They offered the iPhone X (which is an anagram of ‘Phoenix’, credit and love goes to my man Canibus for his legendary insight and wordsmithmanlike skills and therefore attitude.)
Yeah, everybody on this beleaguered, frustrated, angry, lonely, bereft of love, sad, perhaps self-harming Planet Earth (who called it ‘Earth’ ? Some guy? We should know. We can come up with better names…like…Snack…Dobbin…Herbert The Dolphin…Stuff like that. Earth needs a facelift equivalent. Oh hi, Kylie. What am I writing about? Oh…about how much I care about the environment. Also I’m…oh bye. Got a wink though. ) either has an iX or wants one. So when the Cable Company Called I was interested but wary of the price you pay. Wow that’s a lot I think…yeah fuck it I was a fucking iPhoneX. I know I can’t really afford this shit but by now I don’t really care. Due to the belligerence of the rep my only real choice is the data allowance.
I say yes. The consent is given. I get put through to a tough talking Scotsman. He says the deal is imminent but he has to do a credit check. Then he says I need to give them £200 up front and take out a loan for a further £809. ”’Fuck”’ … ”’Fuck Sake”’ I ain’t in the poor house, I ain’t broke but this is a lot. I can feel myself internally generating heat, I feel like I’m in the rays of our legendary but slightly spiteful sun…well you would be too…having to take care of Earth for so long. So I say Yes to the deal, cut the call off and feel guilty straight away. Guilt implies innocence as they say.
Next day the guy needs photo ID but, being a bum, I don’t have any. Oh, man. No iPhoneX for homeboy. I’m so pissed off by now I’m starting to get voices due to frustration and then my laptop refuses to do anything at all. At All. Cancelled the whole thing.
Why is there no Earth Flag? This world has no Flag and this demonstrates the lack of unity.
Typed on my new iPad 😏