Yes it’s true, your man is in hospital. But safe and calm, yeah, that type of hospital Yh! It’s oh so familiar the whole thing. From the staff to the burger meals.i like familiar things btw, maybe it’s part of my autism.
i have given up smoking. The stress by the end was so intense… like if you smoke it she will get cancer….man….how do u cope when you’ve been smoking for 25 years? So I smoked it, but the next one I didn’t smoke, the one where she would have gone to hell forever. Yeah, thanks. So when the ambulance arrived I forgot to take my tobacco. When I got to hospital I wasn’t too surprised to find out that they didn’t have or sell cigs, and anyhow they wouldn’t let me outside back then. Perhaps because I’m so very very dangerous. When my mum point blank refused to get me snout I realised I had not smoked in three days or more and didn’t really need to. That occurred a week ago and I’m still snoutless. No drink either, just lots of cups of tea.
ive produced a little art since arriving, most of it is neat. Some new writing too.
i feel like I’ve been given a second chance here, man I nearly bled to death 💀 on my living room floor. If it was indeed a cry for help, sobeit, thanks to the nhs I’m alive and recovering. Sadly I severed a few tendons and they can’t say if I’ll play my ol six string again.
entering hospital I was reminded of a book by Andrew Solomon, the noonday demon, where he describes entering the ward for the first time and feeling mad empathy for everyone and everything there. I got it when I stepped foot in the tv lounge, though this is far from my first admission to hospital. Walked in…thought…alright! Since then I made a couple of friends. I guess the point is that it was the second time in my life I felt as if I belonged on the ward, like it was home. What is this…rebirth? Time transaction? Dimensional loops? Or could it be a state of mind, seeing that this is partly a case of deja vu.
things I miss from home? Cable tv, my beautiful cat 🐈 but that is basically it. When a man leaves a haunted and blasphemated home they rarely miss it. Really I never want to go back there. Yh, state of mind or environment?both. And more.
last thing, I recently published a book. By Ostravious , it is called How To Blag A Safe Forever. It’s worth reading.
gotta go, lorazepam calls.
peace to you, me, and the Gods
R x
My Cake Tea 
Great piece of writing Roger! One of your best I think. Wind howling around here but K is very calm (asleep on my lap right now) Sadly Saints lost 2-1 to Burnley. Otherwise all quiet here.
Love you lots Mum 🤗 xx
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