I CANT WATCH
Edited by Sir Patrick Barclay of the times
Who gets a hundred a year for writing about football.
I’m going to write about foootball.
After that I may get high
Then I’ll cry for a bit
No, I’ll describe my day.
I woke up alone in a hospital room. I was faint with hunger and I was hooked up to an IV. My hands were covered in blood and it was 5 45 am. I wanted a cigarette and a shower but could have neither. My phone had 3 percent left and I realised that the nurse from a e last night had, in additional to cracking the screen on my I, actually gone as far as steal the charger, too. Fool! She didn’t clock the I pad charger, then. Does it charge up as fast as a genuine I? I don’t know! It’s like putting food in the oven as it heats up, before it has reached max heat. Do you do it? Yeah, you do…or not, cos I’m in hospital for a spell. So instead of consuming a solitary piece of chicken in 58 hours and not even sinking it, for my tea I shall all but feast on lentil soup, beef on white, mashed potato, rice, and a diabetic friendly ice cream.
Man…what happened? Anyway…I’m gonna sharpen up. Carmen is pissed off with me but still bought me the worlds best T-shirt from primark. I don’t want to live in North Walls, it’s haunted by the spirit of deceased horses, juvenile delinquents, porn stars, extra terrestrial game masters, intro terrestrial greenies pleased with Ferrari’s pace…they just really like Ferrari. I do too. But L Ham…a merc which looked basically like a mirror, like tin foil, reflecting the light….in a few years yeah, alongside the mandatory fifth wheel in the back, in the middle, between the two rears. The only problem is if the drivers can handle the whiplash! Ha! Fuck’em!
United are not going to win tonight. I have a sneaky feeling. I am confident. I mean be real. PSG beat them at Old Trafford convincingly. Are united stronger now? Barely if any. Ole has had a wank and Fergie thinks this could be anything. Neymar…M ‘Bappe…a Gallic Perfecri