A poem of mine from back in the day

Alphabet Snuff – ‘E’

So what where u come from

Halifax to F off to Mc D
I be three older than thirty three
Sky took £88.88 out of five p
what /chav mf I got a degree
Like im doing anything other than fiending
For the Antique Legal Amphetemine
Later im’a get a q of green,
Actin like u an ace u merely a queen
As Nas pull up u question which district with some speed, southside, I believe
Like it’s a who’s poorer convention, I mean
You Younger, nowhere else to be
This ain’t a if-u-dont-behave-u-be-like-Me
My shit sorted, homey, relatively
Recently got out of internal Hell, Hell times three
Bein happy 4 me, I don’t expect 2 C
Kid, what happenin’ in the Winchester scene?
All there is is u lot and dodgy OAP
Nero like want some coffee in your sugar honey?
Back 2 basics, this shit all sounds like ‘E’
After Last evenin’ I was talkin to IMB
Seems he get problems with infinity
Nothing to do with Whisky Death Disease
We’re all dyin, man, feel sorry 4 Me
Certain Gonner experience less than fifty p/c
Either it just lyric or u personal 2 me
If it’s both u significantly shifty
If it wasn’t announced wouldnt give a S-H-I-T
All I really want is your Peace
Fuck that, in Death that’s what we achieve
Lifeless Nothing Void Afterlife, that nasty
Careful who u pray to, homey
Imagine praying to Me
And after the hilarity
Imagine Life without me, that easy
Imagine Death without me, that queasy
feelin u get be worry,
and that car be Police, next a Taxi, next its you lookin at me, age years 20
Another Rozzer then an Audi TT
Punks scared ‘cos the Lawman got they frequency,
Lemmy blames me
First its the Hippy
Then Ravers all High off E
Yo look at rhe year, it 2-0-1-3
Since what, since one Jesus, Winchy
Anno Domini, thats Roman, oh the sacred irony
Yeah ‘cos Romans killed him, you see?
Latin still in Italy, and shit, and muchos legally,
and also Doctor Who’s Perfect Army
Thanks for saying it’s Deep
This is a lot of same-sounding-shit 2 put on 3 Sheet’
Legion links with Satanism, then the Nazi?
We are many, thats what the grams say 2 me
Weeke and Harestock, thats Bus number three!
Yo Rome got Sacked by a disorganised entity
Venta Belgarum was our Capital, previously
When I was GCSE, 2,000 A.D. Unimaginible 2 Me
Party forever i’m not gonna be, you obviously on 3 E
So Kid, into College then University, hopefully
U Dumb like the chosen one u need a trade, see?
Can’t you interpret this as Modern Christianity?
Multi-Faith Behemoth, evidently this a Deity
4 4 Winch Side, u jokin’ me
I already said Peace
Is there Peace in necessary Loyalty?
Shit be straight Treason Recently
Endangering the country, ain’t that the MP?
Our stupidity, heathen beliefs and sodomy
Smell that chemical smell, that comin’ from me
I do this to Exist, I don’t do this 4 free
That chick across the road, she lookin’ at me
My Being in Maccy D afta 10-30
Implies absolute loyalty and dedication at least
Not at all sorta, only here cos of unavailability of speed
Written on a computer, People think I use a PC to rhyme, probably
This not possible, MCXP
Testing self to extremity, for the Love of God, can’t you acknowledge the knowledge publically
Judge me now, schooly, I get injected I stil angry
Fuck this shit who follow me?

Superman Must Be Sniffed, Like A Dog.

Does Superman get High? Allegedly if anyone asks him if he gets high he is really evasive and says he flies around the planet, stuff like that, really every day. Night, too. He’s just a bit tired he says. And his eyes are bright red because…because he accidentally flew into Jupiter. Yeah, sure, Superman. Get as high as you want! Allegedly he laughed so loud a nearby tree got flattened. They say Superman hollowed out the tree, as due its last rites, and calmly rolled a blunt with the bark, conjuring the reefer like a magician. After he was done they say a glowing iridescent green cloud was seen floating across the city, raining purple and gold, silver and platinum. When the cloud cleared a beautiful rainbow formed, upside-down so it looked like a mile-wide smile. Fascinating Gems formed the eyes, which shined like the fire of a thousand suns. Allegedly.




Pac and Ms Man

Under what circumstances would Pacman refuse to consume a Ghost? A Ghost that was hysterical with grief? A partially paralysed Ghost? A Ghost who was fast asleep? You would be surprised at the etiquette of Pacman. There are grey areas, like a merely mildly upset Ghost or a limping Ghost. Our beloved yellow arcade legend thinks twice. Imagine the ensuing conversation with his missus, Ms Pacman. I bet that when he does not bag a Ghost on ethical grounds she glares sternly at him, and tells him that he’s slipping and his Game is weak. Then she says that if it wasn’t for the pills she would be gone. Then to finish him off she tells him that she was just playing him for the fruit. A dog barks somewhere in Connetticut. Barks again, louder this time. “Wake up…Wake Up, Pacman! You were having a bad dream” Our Hero rises abruptly in a cold sweat and tells her that everything is wrong. “You’re getting ‘noid, P-Man. Now Pacman bursts into tears and tells her that he is weeping with frustration. She understands. Only one thing is going to happen here but I will not further defame this yellow Ghost Magnet. Only one thing is going to happen, though. Especially if he mentions his love for critically endangered animals. R 

Andromeda Is So Hard

I watched Pretty Woman last night. I identified with both main characters, the Julia Roberts one because she tries to fit in so earnestly but ends up looking so clumsy, and with Gere’s since he’s so patronising. I was writing lyrics simultaneously, partly about why I felt such empathy with a hooker anyway. Then she fell in love with him and kissed him on the lips, and i’m like ‘Yeah, That would be something’ and felt morose.  Thought I could do something worthwhile so I went to the bathroom to shift some dirt.  When I came back she is about to leave his life and the Manager says to him “It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.”  This echoed my thoughts in the bathroom only moments before. To sum up, as I begin to sound like Sam from The Midnight Caller, I think if it’s every woman’s dream to be a high class call girl, then it’s every man’s dream to receive a round of applause and a large wedge of cash after sleeping with her. Nice!    R x

Welcome to Little Andromeda… a Trillion Suns can’t be wrong! But they can be a both challenging and expensive tattoo.

Hi!  Man…a semi-choke is on the cards here. I think its a semi-choke, it definitely feels like it.  All the hallmarks.  Well, it’s my first blog, it’s nearly six in the morning, I need a cigarette, but really it would be quite rude to smoke in a hospital cubicle. Dangerous, too, given all the oxygen cylinders. Given enough time there would be no choice but to smoke, fuck the cylinders. And any explosion. And definitely fuck rhabdomyolysis, arthiritis, stockings I have to wear to avoid blood clots, lupus, pneumonia, chronic constipation, substantial nerve damage, and being forced, massively unfairly I feel, to withdraw from morphine. Prescribed medicine, of course 😉  It was funny, man, the ward had a years supply of liquid morphine phosphate, and I went through it in three weeks. I miss it to be honest. Let’s be fair though, everyone likes morphine, and I don’t want to feel like Captain Drugs. That would be an interesting superhero. It’s blatant I guess, the name really gives him away. He would be incredibly popular at superhero parties though, if our legendary superheroes party at all. He would always be hassled but what does he/she expect, given the name? I guess Captain Sober is a less appealing moniker, like Captain Teetotal or Captain Just Say No, even. Our…yeah I think i’m done. but which superheroes party?

Are you allowed to say ‘fuck’ in a blog? Hey, man, my money’s as good as anyones. R x