My Cake Tea

Passé in the future

Eddie furlongheard of me? Well I must have made it, and I’m not being patronising like I am when I’m talking to jk Rowling and keeep trying to help but only hinder? Stymie? Get shanghighed? I was never after your money. I have never tried to fuck you over.

Anyway, here’s glen Benton to say grace. Actually he could sell. His visions of hell to jk Rowling and she puts it in a sanctuary for the future, age restricted to 30!!!! In shocker.

I mean…if cross goes platinum….Deicide with Harry Potter shit? Mega plat. What’s after platinum? Chain. Plate. Mithril. Adamantium. Obsidian. Selling a billion? I did. Where? Not on Earth. Why would I? On this planet people don’t know I exist. That’s the problem here! Hey! I exist! Hey! And if it’s hey! I’m hungry then u need a momma. If it’s hey! U want a beer? Then u like them maybe. Whatever. Can I drink your bloood? Brains? Ok.

Glen hates Harry. He hates Jesus. Jk? Puzzled. Hell exists. I went there once. My problem? It was shortly after an exorcism had been performed on me and my haunted flat. By a stupid massively obese female Methodist minister. I had been tortured by spirits and I ended up in hell. Stupid bitch. Is she still doing it? Holy water? They used Evian. Oh yeah. I may have been putin Hell for setting the congregation on fire. In my head. Not reality. In my twisted imagination. I see my church, sometimes I use it. Sometimes…I don’t want to talk about Jesus or Satan, it’s not my bible. I don’t pray to anyone. Don’t call me blasphemous either. I’ll go to hell? I have written extensively, about both Jesus and Satan, hell, Christ I was possessed by both, and more. The fat preacher dismissed it as rubbish. My literal word of hell. Student shit. Well why call it blasphemous? You treat me like Muslims …it’s like they say Christians treat Mohammed! If u understand.if u want an advantage over Muslims why not be tolerant of….whatever. Me. For example. Why not welcome my experiences, type shit because you’re busy oh ok.

My point is a Christian put me in Hell. Maybe it was Jesus. I doubt it. Maybe Jesus got me out of hell. More likely. Deicide? An advert for Satan. Mickey Mouse of evil? Who? Voldemort?

Pump that shit, Time Terminator copyright me.

Jesus hates magic btw. Prob turns Paul Daniels off. Have you seen my wife? Fuck sake.fucking magicians. Ok Jesu who else? I’m not buying u wine, addict. YouRe weak. You show weaknesss immediately and annoy me. I’ve got beer, good ale, not lager. Fucking go for it, and I’ll treat u like I treat other beings, like guests in my home. Sometimes it goes well sometimes not. Oh, the stars. Yeah the pressures off, got Deicide on, cleared 5 friends headaches. Then Jesus wants to talk. Like I have earned it. A promotion? Of hell? Fuck that sounds so good. If Deicide sucked…what if Deicide were cock? Hair? Even false metal? What then, frail Jesu? Oh look, a bacon sandwich seller. They are plentiful and obviously amuse Rog, our host. We are Rog? Hmm I’m not that far gone, though establishing a hive mind holds some advantages, as Sma no doubt would say, if she hadn’t clumsily forgotten about the hive forming, and wasn’t too busy in paradise. She fucking hates coming to earth. Talking to me. She hates me. She used to like me,long ago.we were equal power for a few weeks then months, then she caught a break and took …advantages are taken not handed out. She took hers. And then some. Shes high. Smokes…hydro. Keeps her oar in..ill tell more in time. Ok!

Can I get paid for this?

Harry got inverted, says hermoine 

Harry got opposites, says ginger.

Ginger grunts and smiles, with something approaching satisfaction, thought whoever. The master…

It’s so obvious, they ‘’’think’’’

So we can use opposite words? From the original books?

Listen, man. It that blaxploitation? Cos if it is…true, there r few negro wizards. Do they get cast as Warlocks?

Man, if u want more Harry Potter…get Role Playing….Larps…fighting fantasy!! The warlock of fire top mountain! Citadel of chaos! In an act of patronage. Or don’t. Feel free to invert the words within Harry Potter books, or turn them into whatever you wish. I don’t care. My name is Ostravious, I got a couple of books out, you may like them. Anyway…inverted. Opposites. Latin speakers have an advantage here, with opposites. That’s why they go mad and need to be put in abandoned castles, the women. Because of…can I sell some blood? I’ll give u a beer with a clever name if u have sex with a pig.

Do u think ppl are getting at me with names on my ales? Examples? Hmm… hell town. Deep fake. Two examples. They’re relevant to me. U want to talk why? Ok but I can’t pay. In the Uk they…..I’m schizophrenic, and that’s it. If you want you can join me Tuesday for psychology, where, because my fucking mother is involved now, we will be looking at basic conversational skills, and probably basic cooking, with an eye towards hygiene. Did I guess right? You should give me the benefit of the doubt. Why should you give the edge to a charismatic man? This means you insanely believe him. You trust him? You believe him. Well, you are listening to him…isn’t he Handsome, this aryan being who gets by on a sturdy chin.

Can’t wait to lightning him. Do u play cricket, Arian? Because in Bangladesh….me? What was? Act of….don’t say it…

Well to wrap it all up, I was the only bloke in nick that bet on an act of God! Which was nice.

Harry? What’s the opposite of super

Sub

Thanks. Five for now, five for later. Lemme tenner. Man!?

Ok. For that. Wait. Can you sell me some acid? Because ro…Ostravious is really…the truth? OST asks who decides the truth. What is truth? Define truth! You can’t? Well nor can I! In LA that’s worth a drink? No? In Hollywood I’d get blown.

And in Compton you’d get blown away.

Harry died

Harry you are dead.

Then what is happened is this

Everything he ever experienced in any way is opposited says ginge, inverted says hermoine. And he is presented with it. Hmm not enough. It’s my fucking life. Yes Harry. It was. Before you died. Deaths not…it feels like relief.

What a relief! Says hmmm worried about him. Pay me and I’ll write etc hmmm

Anyway Harry, says Death, this is who you are. Sort of. Here it is. There. 

Like…normal. Not that surprised, or impressed. 

Yeah. Well you wouldn’t be that surprised. Harry, when I say sort of….there’s loads of…well, when you asked that mannequin for acid after he bummed ten off u…

Mannequin? Oh. Yeah, I didn’t think he was going to pay me back either. But I thought that because I’m buying acid off him, that heS going to be…

Fair? Cos he sells acid? A hippy? Oh how wrong you Are and yet…back in the 60’s, …

What is? Your IQ? Alright, Harry? You know you should take acid with people you love and trust and I thought…where am I? That’s what I thought. 

Yeah I thought I was going to think about thinking about think about thinking again. About. Yeah whatever. Sex? Oh how little you know. And you never really grew up. Harry. 

Well at least I’m not dead, like you and ginger. Oh, look I am. I’m fucking dead. And so are you. I’m not.

That’s a lot of acid, Potter. And, like happens fairly often, you’ll find it’s relative. Death. Life. Isn’t it all really. Really….yeah. Oh you’re right they’re dead and you’re wrong they’re not dead 💀 but you are.

Hang on my familiar is dreaming.

My own enemy attacks me. Calling me pathetic and weak. How dare I attack him. I’ll call mummy he says. How dare you ask her for food.

Assumption of Guilt vs Delusions of Grandeur?

Opposites? Somewhere, yeah

My home? Somewhere, yeah

Nothing

It’s called nothing

It’s not clever

Well it is

But isn’t meant to be funny

Witty

Yeah

Like calling your dog

For example

For example

For example

For ex,…..and so on

What up ra

What up pa

Got u there

Releasing anything? No?

Then I’ll never know where u been since the master

The game? Whatever. I came in with Horsebox, I released iller than illness

It’s embarrassing?

How?

Somethings wrong u say…

Like been fucked up

In o poetic way

Yh

Well I wrote that bit

For example

And after the last one

Between the start of the sentence and the end

Where my mind created something

To fuck yo shitt up, pa

That’s Allah

And the intention? Well read it

Hmm

Hmmm

Why was I thinking of u

Dunno

Girls

Oh yeah

She’s been fucking my pa

In her head

Or

Something seeded by my impression of my pa

I recognise

She thought it was me

Recog antelope house, so ton picu 

Am I in shit? Look at my first thought after the new leaf

Talking about leaf…

I neeed a new doctor

Cos mine thinks he’s the godfather

Anyway

He won’t give me free weed

He lies

Says it’s not here

Whatever

Concierge

Not concillierge then

Not

At all

Timmy

I wonder if she planned

What?

It was my idea as if it mattered to ya

I don’t own her

But she’s no rainbow

But she’s close to it

No rain in a rainbow

No bow either

Like forget me

Not

 Not

Stop playing u off ok

Stop putting me off

What u want me after hearing Goodbye?

Yeah?

Oh ok

Timmy

What is this assumption

Fucking….fucking…like….like your fucking fbi or CIA

Trying to put everything in a relationship

Well everything in the universe has a relationship with everything else

Like

Yo fat momma

Bitch

Oh tennis is on

I know the problem

I want to go but you won’t let me

Then I want you but I can’t have you

How ironic?

That’s not the real problem

I mean we’re going to die

On Earth

I mean you might

Or me

I don’t know

I woke up during a seance

My funeral

Funereal vibe

Like 27

Getting old?

Oh, you too?

Like 42

Like,  endear 50

Near 50

Now Rakim

Would turn this into mad alphanumerical with the pharmaceutical, competition pitiful, thr potential pitfall sadly minimal, negro I’ll turn this lyrical like powerfully trying to impress puffy, attempting to impress an impression of myself into him, then he comes and rushes me with his hype man…man. 

Are you Horsebox?

Yeah

Then u got nothing I want

That’s how it went.

Is that all?

Did he mention big?

Big?

Yeah

Then something strange happened

And he bought my pa

A hearse

Did he abuse me?

Mum?

Well your still here

Did Keith abuse me?

Because I think someone did

Fucking weirdo

Or I’m wrong

Anyway

Incest

That’s what it’s called

Rape

And what I’m a victim of

They say I’m guilty of

Like Kurdt was saying

Slack died with you

Can I write to you?

Well try and stop me

Suicide? Well I tried plenty times

So I’ll be the ideas man

U be the straight man

Jeez get it together

I haven’t seen someone take so long to hook up a cup of tea

Since

Ever

As in what

I sense you

Another

Asking me if I’m trying to get lyrical

Well bitch do u own words?

Cos u act it, or your boss does 

And you’re thinking copyright, and that copies, right

Well I copy, right, and copy copies right out of my head, then gets an intercept like that mad motherfucker from 49erz, whoever…I can only guess. But u can only intercept if I release…that’s nice, you’re good,it’s an honour, huh u treat me like the hero from The MRtian film at the end. It’s an honour, Sir. You’ll go a long way saying that type of shit. Matter of fact kid, I need someone to…artefact it? Is artifice necessarily artificial? Fuckin krs I reside like artifacts . Type shit. Anyway kid, I need someone to type my shit up.

Me!

You?

Ok then!

Hmmm but that’s long term

Short term

I need milk

Or not

I got what I need

But I don’t know what I need

All I can do is what makes me feel better

Cos I got nobody else todo that

Short term

Fuck

What do I need

Well what do I need for what

What am I attempting to accomplish

Publish?

Like my voices say?

No

I just published, the books out

Ostravious

Reminds me of someone I never met 

But represents…I like pac too!

Fake? Whatever. If you want to bring it lyrical, well

For example, well you could look at the original Freestyle Champion

The 15 minuter the lyrics are in to blag avSafe forever

By Ostravious

Whoever the fuck that is 

I’m sure u got lyrics too

I’m sure this is like a breakthrough for you, too

Whoever that is I wish they were by big bro at school

Whatever, I’m proud of you too

As I…accelerate, purify, condense, enhance, a hundred bars is just an entrance, put you in a trance like you like mar mite well your ma might be a deuce, your ma might be yo fuckin momma well she might be mine dude I wish she was cos after she came out after the smoke was all sweet smells. Iridescence. Can someone help? Think a lost soul wants help, some mad sociologist. For real.

And I get help. Yes, I’m high, but it’s a maintainable high.while you write about….well whatever, son, what up? Nas like whatever, don’t go to Dublin or London ……whatever! Still like Nas though.as a person or lyricist? Like…as a spirit. Anyway, I’m writing about achievable heaven and you…you writing about a million dollars. What’s the difference? Hmmm

Maybe you become a millionaire, but I doubt it, in the short to medium term. Later it’s achievable 4 u, I think, if u care what I think. Why would you?

I’m busy showing people what I’m capable of. I’m not 20 any more. I am not obsessed with Canibus anymore. That was over twenty years ago. Why would I even mention it? Mention men? Remind me not to battle you, the way you get with the lyrical, also u not going to the dentist like jack not going to the barbers, I’ll warrant! Now we’re all up, no doubt Americans primed for Super Bowl, dunno, what late sat nite, what up ?

🧐 

Here is a list of people I have thought of since 1st feb 2020. Should I do this? I’m ahead because it’s the assumption of guilt…you say it’s assumption of innocence? You would not list people in the same way. I’m not saying you’re guilty like the American court system do. Presumption of Guilt? No thanks, we don’t want that shit in England, keep it. Look what it does to the paupers. Oh we have a presumption of guilt? Do we? Why should we? A presumption of fairness ? Yes, can we have a presumption of a fair legal process please, or, actually, a fair legal system. No? Do I need a lawyer? Because I can’t afford one. I can sell some blood I guess.

Slack.

Back to it. I guess slack is somewhere between hippy and tramp, caner, idealist, yeah aggressive perfectionist asa weakness. Grunge? Dunno. Is that what pearl jam do? Eddies cute but I wouldn’t fuck him. He’d enjoy it too much. He’s a sexual being, he reminds me of Dave Eggers in that respect, someone that…fuckin…reminds you, aggressively let’s you know that He Has Sex lol….lol used to mean lots of love bet u too Jung…young…

Selling blood?

I said that to the automobile representative at the Peugeot garage after a test drive. I had prepared fully, I had purchased some driving gloves and had sneakily got high in my car, sneakily in a thoughtful mood. I must have given off the impression that I could afford a test drive because they offered one. Do they let tramps test drive? Well obviously, or not. Sometimes the richest look like the poorest, the vibe, like aids victims look the healthiest. Butch. In my dream last night a man kissed me, right on the lips, and it felt nice. I turned my head when he bent , offering the cheek but no! Butch. Lol. Bob, yeah lol cough cough. Ackleff?

Seeya.

Oh, btw my shit helps get people out of trances.

Sooooooooo…a grudge match. Every b”it as vital as, say, Fish vs Bees (tie) , Ants vs Clouds (tie) , Hair vs Casinos (casinos edged it…raw financial power, Mafia rumoured to make Hair ‘disappear’ like male pattern baldness) , all-night raves vs Captain Reality ( “oh…it’s…it’s Captain Reality. Man. he…he’s not bad at heart, probably, but…man…let me keep my illusions, man. It’s always his version of reality, perhaps he values the clash. He must do. He’s just…straight. Also, he’s nicer than Captain Sawdust. Stay out of Chile, Sawdust”. Captain Reality lives in the shadow of Superman, as do the majority of Heroes, however, our cheery Superhero has put something of a fly in his own ointment by…by…nope, the Magic’s gone.

I’m off for a sly fag.

You want to go two’s on it?

More R

U want more R?

I got two times more R’s than Rakim Allah

2 18’s so here’s the 36^th Chamber, sire

Peace to him and Dizzee R

Yeah my middle name is Mark

Not James like Bond James Bond

The scripture

After a revolution u need structure

or get blown away like Ron Jeremy

On November Wind shit

U wanna get at me

U wanna get at my Angel-kinda-army

What’s luck to an Angel?

Like an avatar they take the pain we can’t

Merkhabas got

Angles like Alan Angles McManus

Hand on the green baize…

who’s

hand

is 

on

the

fucking

cloth

man 

just one

more shot

just

one

more

shot

wean him off playing pool

at the lunatic asylum

why do they call it lunatic, lunar, la lune type shit

it’s common knowledge contained by the Schiz – o

other things that fall into my mind shit

deluge of delusions, allude to the illusion

nice dream then waken in an institution

confusing,

mice dream of a rice dream

so in an ice cream scene

i’m Juan Cornetto, known as Don

importing straight milk from Cornetto

yeah and put a flake on the shit

just Juan cornetto?

Sure, i’m reasonable, rational, 

deal with Karma the way I deal with God

You’re ill, sure, but Godz illa

I used to think u a fraudster

like, there’s a long list’a

shit I thought’a

Adjacent to the Oracle

Originally, certainly

it came to me

so something nearer thinks the same of me I do of u

maybe I should off u

maybe i should offer you a ten for a dime

local jalfrezi bent, but there’s hallucinogens in the onion shit

alls fair in love and war

yeah, said a warmongering whore

with an assortment of anal sores

dunno whether I wanna break out, escape, disappear or die

bees break out of hives

shirky ones get smoked out, recognise

id rather be landing trout in southern Hampshire, rather

south central hampshire, northern hemisphere

why do we say its western, its kind of in the middle, mon frere

as I firmly reject the values of…where?

Wherever u r

as u imitate Grand Puba kinda sinister

I heard Mother Theresa

Had a kinder Sister

kind, i’m kinda kind, ya ken

where being kind is acting blind

why they use blinds in poker, R?

Gotta be only a few partially sighted poker stars

What they got talking cards?

Ha, no reason keeping a straight moustache

we all know u got an ace and an eight,

shit was broadcast

see the flop?

Pop u can’t see shit! 

I recognise the style of recon

reason for the file on me, son

7-3’s not so bad? On a bad one by any chance?. Nearly 8, off the bar. “The Massacre at Villa Park”

Radio 5live is calling it. 606 next, and you realise that you’re facing robbie savage. After that MOTD2, if you want. Hey, you’re still champions, and will still be champions in like April 2021. Is it preferable that it’s against villa, best start in 50 years, rather than a ‘big’ club? Whatever. Dan’s Villa, though, maybe it was a sign that you’ve been seeing him in visions for three days. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand its finished 7-2. Get this – it’s not even the worst thing thats happened today. United lost 6-2 at home, city drew.start of season etc. nah, the worst bit was your pillow saying ‘It’s Over’, banning you from it’s home country, laughing at the football, calling you ugly, shit like that. You thought it was N, but maybe it was Satan, or both. Satan calls it payback, so……yeah. Broken heart or two, then, that is if N is alive At All, nobody’s seen her in 4 or 5 years. I wonder if that’s my fault like everything else is, where more realistically it’s not my fault and everyone likes and takes the opportunity to apportion blame far away from themselves. Or it’s God, whatever. Yeah blame God, what’s God going to do, not exist, in a Cut Nose to Spite Face situ? Man, it was a different vibe only yesterday, when u got visions of Jimi Hendrix and watched him at Maui or something. Saturday. SSSssssssssssssssaturday.

(the next day**************************************)

yeah, well. I’m on lyric shift, 2A.M. Start, so its 2:19, so I can start. Start what? Man…….i dont have the words to describe whats happening here, dont have a descriptive bag either, soooooooo……………. tues AM, maybe I got some £ sent through, get more art stuff, canvas, oil or acrylic. What’s happening here? Man…the thing yhat came 2 mind is that everything here is fucked up. I’m fucked up too? So i’m no better than them? Who’s ‘them’? Staff and Patients I guess. Whats fucked up? A significant part it stupid fat bitches being abusive, aggressive and unprofessional, patronising, it’s abuse or borders on it. It seems that staff feel the need to challenge whenever possible. This is bad ‘cos autistics get mad fear from arguments, aggressive shit, fucking………………..and theres 3 or 4 autistics here. Man 

Kippers Song

PART ONE

I mew at the morning moon

Too soon arrives the noon

Our Sun melts the beautiful dew

A new day is due

Time takes its own course, of course

We follow the river back to the source

Of light, mystery, black holes as a resource

This cat has no master, akin to the horse

PART TWO

Silent Siamese Sian

She secretly sleeps

Some seventy six spiral stairs seeming sneaky, stealthy

So snow surrenders to Sunday’s Sun and steams somewhat on soft soil

Smoke rising in the pale yellow haze

Rays that would surely seem shallow to some distant sacred shining star

That attract a cats lazy gaze

Not far past dawn

This feline’s yawning

Clearly the sun’s curfew is done

A magnificent spectacle on the lawn

But nothing to write home about, son

Indeed, nothing to wake up for, even, Sian

I’ll put a paw over my nose to please my pawn master

When he wakes from his slumber, if he ever does so

Prawn basket, my dream before the morn entered the temple

A basket full of prawns…they must all be for Sian!

PART THREE

My master is plain lazy

But I love him so

Cats calling Humans lazy?

I wish he was a robot though

He breathes down my neck

Through his spectacular nose

Who knows the spectacle

Of those pale shallows?

I read my masters dream

Master, wake up!

Oh you woke me up again

Roger, really

It’s like coming home

When I sit on your lap

While this lyric is easy

For you are reciting from a cat!

Save me do

A tank! No

My master sees no sunlight

Vitamin D deficiency

Oh, do ray me

Or even

Doh ray me me do

That’s nice

That’s what I think as I watch…

As we watch cricket

What’s cricket?

Did America invent it?

Take me down the pub

I want to get laid

That’s me in three months

And so this tail ends

Abruptly

So see you soon

On my lap

Someday 

Yeah OK?

OK!

PART FOUR

You stare at me too much

Am I your affection or your desire?

I’m proud of that bit

Master i’m dreaming!

I love it when you sing for me

And I love you, Roger

You have your ways, I suppose 8)

Please give me fresh fish on Friday

I’ll go to the market with you

If i’m not dreaming, i’m daydreaming

As I am interrupted in the midst of a dream

About my mummy, master

I miss her so

Rzzzzzzzz!!!!

May I have some wine?

And some cheese?

Maybe?

Prawns on Wednesday, please

Oh Roggy?

Write a song about me?

Oh, after a ciggie

I dont admire them 

Because it makes u smell

And act funny

Do you put them over me?

What could be more important than me?

Mew!

Pitiful Mew!

Master?

Make the ciggie the reward, not…

Oh I meant

Cig as reward, not the fuel.

Perhaps not a reward

For not smoking!

Master it’s the end of the page!

Hi! All kinds of input into my sweet li’l mind right now. Fleet of our Avian friends outside in the beautiful garden talking, telling dirty jokes, making up songs, telling tales of love 💓 and having a bit of a whistle. Happily I communicate with the insects 🐜, they say hi and say Forever Love is the best kind of love of course…in a way. Then a solitary spider was rude to a potential dolphin 🐬 and her merfolk details, wished away on a salty sea breeze.

But only the soft drink variety. Soz! But my habit is large enough to attract attention, so I was taken to account this afternoon and u would have thought it was the real thing sometimes, but there was a sense of coolness throughout my collar being felt. I need it to keep going, it’s a mood stabiliser, kinda, whatever, I like coke. I like the sugar rush and caffeine buzz 🐝 but I don’t know why I was made to feel like the worlds only coke addict. Man, I can feel my teeth dissolving. If you ever see me in a bad mood, maybe offer a coke then everything will be ok, just for a while.

I am up all night two out of three nights now, then I crash and wake up at a healthy 5PM. I’m recording again, not being able to express myself thru painting at the moment. I tried Water Colours, man, it was like Jimi Hendrix attempting to play the Sitar, as legend has it. What happened? He was rubbish. Yup.

Man, it feels like a man has to justify his life in modernity. Justify his existence, so what if nobody understands quite why we’re here, or what happens before or after our pitiful ish human ing time. We’re lucky if we are given one chance to make it, one chance to make it big, and, well man, we’d better be on it, we’ve only got one chance for fame. Or so we think. The noted professor Hetfield, J. claims Advantages are Taken, not handed out. Well shucks. Maybe if you live your life always looking for opportunities, you’d be so stressed, u wouldn’t enjoy anything and u couldn’t relax.

I, for one, have seen a litany of chances, opportunities, and suchlike pass me by, but the ones that are foremost in my troubled, addled, occipitally challenged little giant mind are the ones in which I failed to Score, either with Girls or sometimes in football. Scoring? It’s true, I’m rarely so…coarse. The item? Is held in modern life too, women are weird because if a man doesn’t take every chance to sex up a lady he must be Gay, some think. No matter what.

Fuck. I’m fucking lost here. Just sitting here…it’s like a comedown. Watching shit tv , though the tv would surely be safe from any violent advances if things got that far. I’m going nowhere. I’ve got a home I can’t go to, I have ballerinas ankles and I’m sitting around getting old. Also I’m wearing a wife beater, but that is of little import.

My next move could be up Pompey way. By The Way. Near the sea, loads of like minded people, who knows, anyway gotta go.

oh, I injected heroin in a dream.

 

later, y’all, R

 

Howdy. So I’m in a zone where I can at last express my feelings towards my numerous issues. Yeah, I’m around people who have their own issues which conflict with mine sometimes, but I tread a righteous path and the shine people have when they come in, the glow…if it’s caused by drugs then after a few days they slow down, then come down in an environment which seems ideal to come down in. Yep, they ‘still on e, spreading disease, get quarantined, free tea, would you believe.

Friends here come and go, like basic mankind, there have been really all colours of the rainbow 🌈 some people are users and abusers, just….real shit. That’s how I get down. Some people are fucking snakes and like have an internal radar for the vulnerable, some latch on, detecting kindness which they exploit until forcefully separated. Some real shit. Pokemon, poems and pictures help me pass the time, without forgetting the beautiful game of Football Manager, amazon and Netflix.

Its hard to get much Peace here, man. So much happening, nurse action that I stay up at night, writing or playing footyman, sleeping into the PM. I got an amp that punishes all they’ shitty speakers which seem to provide shit music, too.

I gotta go try get something 2 eat, but I’m gonna stick with this. More soon. R

 

Yes it’s true, your man is in hospital. But safe and calm, yeah, that type of hospital Yh! It’s oh so familiar the whole thing. From the staff to the burger meals.i like familiar things btw, maybe it’s part of my autism.

i have given up smoking. The stress by the end was so intense… like if you smoke it she will get cancer….man….how do u cope when you’ve been smoking for 25 years? So I smoked it, but the next one I didn’t smoke, the one where she would have gone to hell forever. Yeah, thanks. So when the ambulance arrived I forgot to take my tobacco. When I got to hospital I wasn’t too surprised to find out that they didn’t have or sell cigs, and anyhow they wouldn’t let me outside back then. Perhaps because I’m so very very dangerous. When my mum point blank refused to get me snout I realised I had not smoked in three days or more and didn’t really need to. That occurred a week ago and I’m still snoutless. No drink either, just lots of cups of tea.

ive produced a little art since arriving, most of it is neat. Some new writing too.

i feel like I’ve been given a second chance here, man I nearly bled to death 💀 on my living room floor. If it was indeed a cry for help, sobeit, thanks to the nhs I’m alive and recovering. Sadly I severed a few tendons and they can’t say if I’ll play my ol six string again.

 

entering hospital I was reminded of a book by Andrew Solomon, the noonday demon, where he describes entering the ward for the first time and feeling mad empathy for everyone and everything there. I got it when I stepped foot in the tv lounge, though this is far from my first admission to hospital. Walked in…thought…alright! Since then I made a couple of friends. I guess the point is that it was the second time in my life I felt as if I belonged on the ward, like it was home. What is this…rebirth? Time transaction? Dimensional loops? Or could it be a state of mind, seeing that this is partly a case of deja vu.

things I miss from home? Cable tv, my beautiful cat 🐈 but that is basically it. When a man leaves a haunted and blasphemated home they rarely miss it. Really I never want to go back there. Yh, state of mind or environment?both. And more.

last thing, I recently published a book. By Ostravious , it is called How To Blag A Safe Forever. It’s worth reading.

gotta go, lorazepam calls.

peace to you, me, and the Gods

R x