Mission From Earth

Life is like trying to sell money. The flyest, most wizened samurai of all is able to convince less skilled swordsmen to buy air. The PIMPs are able to sell the same thing to each other, without it existing, and then probably get high off a small clay pipe. whoever sells the most shit is truly the flyest PIMP of all. Especially if he/she’s selling money to others. Personally my moneys on 50 Cent. What up.

Pay Me. That’s today’s agenda. Yeah, I know, I didn’t invent money so why would I chase it? Man. Life is free, so shit should be free too. Like, as you perchance expected, Reefer. The Right To Get High. Oh and love, that’s free, mannerisms, crying is free. Is Earth free? Man I don’t know, why I was asking. Its ill. Planet Terra is ill. We inhabit the illest Planet for…ages. Its getting better. Last night I had a vision of myself leaving this interesting, so Cute….awww!!! Sphere (why are all planets spherical? why would they be? Bet u theres a cubical planet, and at least one in the shape of a horse.) Anyway, my last words were…I’m not saying. it wasn’t that. yeah.

U wanna know whats happening? U need 2 ax me. Like wheres it at, Rog? Sure call me Rog. We’re all friends here. No, by all means get high on my electromagnetically enhanced beanbag. Take your time. Always a pleasure.

IM THE ILLEST

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Sexy Chinese Whisper

Yeah, that’s a painting I did in 2003, think I was living in a Project of sorts.

My life is weird. The advice of former friends echoes…”do something” or “do anything” . I do stuff, man. It rarely manifests in the physical realm though…oh ok. I’m not lazy either. If shit was easier to do, I’d do it. I’m efficient you see. Not lazy, or extremely lazy, at all.

I make so many plans…a Rog Encyclopedia, concept albums, poetry collections, an autobiography… I get the feeling….yeah. I want to do a book. Sure I can write a book. But after writing what then? Man it seems you need to pay to self produce. I also must do a thrash album. I already got the riffs. 56s on the BC Rich has cut it. Literally, my fingers too. Sure I can cut it.

Why can’t I get it together? I get tested every day in similar ways. Some days I eat. Haven’t I done enough? For what? Huh? For what, fuckhead? Enough…for….people….to….like….me, I guess. Yeah, I think I am as unpopular as I ever have been, since ever. Audience. That was it. And my relationship with it. What audience? Shut up. You never played live. I sort of did. But yeah, I would like to play live, really at the railway inn. It’s a bit like K Pax, me being prog and field of dreams

Expectations.

Quality

Naming of things

Comparisons

Love

Live Sport

Raging Paranoia

Territory

My Gangsta Gait

Seeya, Rog

On My Cable Shit

Cable companies, man. They called me up saying they could save me some money on my i7. I wasn’t really interested but I asked if a new phone was available. They offered the iPhone X (which is an anagram of ‘Phoenix’, credit and love goes to my man Canibus for his legendary insight and wordsmithmanlike skills and therefore attitude.)

Yeah, everybody on this beleaguered, frustrated, angry, lonely, bereft of love, sad, perhaps self-harming Planet Earth (who called it ‘Earth’ ? Some guy? We should know. We can come up with better names…like…Snack…Dobbin…Herbert The Dolphin…Stuff like that. Earth needs a facelift equivalent. Oh hi, Kylie. What am I writing about? Oh…about how much I care about the environment. Also I’m…oh bye. Got a wink though. ) either has an iX or wants one. So when the Cable Company Called I was interested but wary of the price you pay. Wow that’s a lot I think…yeah fuck it I was a fucking iPhoneX. I know I can’t really afford this shit but by now I don’t really care. Due to the belligerence of the rep my only real choice is the data allowance.

I say yes. The consent is given. I get put through to a tough talking Scotsman. He says the deal is imminent but he has to do a credit check. Then he says I need to give them £200 up front and take out a loan for a further £809. ”’Fuck”’ … ”’Fuck Sake”’ I ain’t in the poor house, I ain’t broke but this is a lot. I can feel myself internally generating heat, I feel like I’m in the rays of our legendary but slightly spiteful sun…well you would be too…having to take care of Earth for so long. So I say Yes to the deal, cut the call off and feel guilty straight away. Guilt implies innocence as they say.

Next day the guy needs photo ID but, being a bum, I don’t have any. Oh, man. No iPhoneX for homeboy. I’m so pissed off by now I’m starting to get voices due to frustration and then my laptop refuses to do anything at all. At All. Cancelled the whole thing.

Why is there no Earth Flag? This world has no Flag and this demonstrates the lack of unity.

Typed on my new iPad 😏

My Favourite Shit

My favourite shit on in the daytime is that shit on ITV 4. Minder, Kojak, The Professionals, Quincy ME, The Avengers, and my fave, The Sweeney.

The 1970’s shit is the best. I’ll get to the point – I really enjoy Regan, played in The Sweeney by John Thaw, I enjoy him drinking heavily in the daytime, particularly while he is technically working. Regan is so funny. Drinking Scotch from plastic cups, each sip followed by a grimace which makes one think it’s proper Whisky.

I can’t help but think that Regan often manipulates any and every situation, every scenario, so the result is him suggesting they go down the boozer and drink as much as they can. If, later in the session, he thinks he is wasted, he is the type to sniff a line of posh in the toilet. To sharpen up of course, he’s a professional. Then he sinks two treble brandies at the bar, the purchase of which is disguised by getting a bag of crisps. Regan floats back to his chair and makes a big deal about the crisps. Snaffles a few crisps but doesn’t look too sure, so sparks a fag before returning to his lager, in a massive glass you need fingers like sausages to manipulate. Someone is talking to him but we know Regan is thinking about the next boozer, then on to the club. ”’ hang on I’m driving ”’ best get some white then. Just as well I work for The Flying Squad or i’d get done!

Things Is Weird

Someone once wrote that we are all Universal Beings living an Earth Experience. I kinda like that. There is mad life everywhere in the Universe. To the best of my knowledge, this Galaxy, the Milky Way (who called it that?) is 99.7% populated. Well, it would be. It is a well-to-do Galaxy, and is home to some supremely advanced beings, but generally it is a chilled out place. There are a lot of Fish beings. They look at our oceans and cry tears of pain. ‘What’s the point’ they think, ‘let us take them home’ they are herding and they are eating each other! This is not normal for fish. Fish really like Gorgonzola, the cheese. Fish don’t like Leopards much, as Leopards declared war on a cod-type fish colony for no reason other than they were bored and fancied an easy snack. But they did not count on the cod people’s stern allies, and soon there was a full scale war between Felines, mostly Leopards ( Leopards are the most prevalent type of feline in this galaxy) and Fish descendants. Inevitably it ended in a draw, with concessions on either side. Hilariously it ended with a leopard being slapped hard across the chops with a large earth type fish, then the cat put the fish in its mouth and guided it to safety, placing it in a river.

My acquaintances in Tau Ceti tell me that there are 76,512,561,012,000 Galaxies in the Universe. Rounded up that is Seventy Seven Trillion. Thanks for telling us! It does seem like a lot. Taurans are great, I have spent a lot of time in Tauran Space. Taurans are intelligent, kind, warm, witty, soulful, peaceful and empathic. Go Tau!

Oh…right now, somewhere in the Universe, not far away, there is a being celebrating its millionth birthday. One million years old. That’s got to be a very special party. See ya! R

Darling Nicki

I am going back to University. I shall be studying Nicki Minaj’s Ass. Man…I got a massive poster of her ‘cos I love her stuff, it’s an A0 of Minaj all spread out on an expensive rug, in front of a roaring fire. It’s on my fireplace for effect. Her Ass has become quite the talking point. I stare at it…it can’t be real…it is real…it can’t be real. It is real. My life story. No, she isn’t completely naked, she is wearing a thong,  a white thong that really disappears into Nicki’s Ass. It reminds me to floss.

A workman, the boiler guy, said “she’s got a nice bum”. And she does. But while every workman appreciates it, there is a somewhat less appreciative Mum. She suggested that Nicki’s Ass was really her tits superimposed, and all they needed was nipples. But mum it’s a talking point. It’s staying.

Her eyes don’t look right, they whited her eyes so it looks fake, where her eyes in reality maybe were perhaps bright red, or a look that questions like why am I lying mostly naked on a rug…oh it’s a glamour shoot…for the fellas!  Go Nicki! New Album August 10th! Rx

A Short but Rude Pig Joke

He raised his finger like a cricket umpire and plunged it deep into the pigs arse. The pig purred in affection and pushed his arse hard against the digit.

Then the police car behind him and the pig turned its lights on and a policewoman got out.

In the magistrates, when asked for his version of events, he said “Well…the pig asked me for directions and i was pointing the way to the local tobacconist when…there was a local earthquake and i stumbled into the pig. I was trying to get my finger out of the pig repeatedly when the police came”.

When he went to pay the fine plus court costs there was a man paying his own fee. The man asked him what he did to warrant a fine. “Fucking pigs” he said. The man said “Yeah, i know. They’re bloody filth”

He went home and had a bacon sarnie. And burst into tears. After the sarnie he burst into fresh tears.