He raised his finger like a cricket umpire and plunged it deep into the pigs arse. The pig purred in affection and pushed his arse hard against the digit.
Then the police car behind him and the pig turned its lights on and a policewoman got out.
In the magistrates, when asked for his version of events, he said “Well…the pig asked me for directions and i was pointing the way to the local tobacconist when…there was a local earthquake and i stumbled into the pig. I was trying to get my finger out of the pig repeatedly when the police came”.
When he went to pay the fine plus court costs there was a man paying his own fee. The man asked him what he did to warrant a fine. “Fucking pigs” he said. The man said “Yeah, i know. They’re bloody filth”
He went home and had a bacon sarnie. And burst into tears. After the sarnie he burst into fresh tears.
My Cake Tea 